The Incoherent Ramblings Of Victor M. Ruiz

Just finished watching The Pacific, I can’t image what these soldiers went through. A lot of people have mentioned over the years how difficult it must have been to witness 9/11 from so close (@100 yrds). I can’t imagine what they endured day in, day out for years until the end of the war, and how brutal it was after get got home. I dealt with survivor’s guilt for a few years, and still have thoughts go through my mind regarding what I saw. For example, just thinking about how lucky my brother and I were to not be any closer (like we were supposed to be). How many people I witnessed that potentially died, firemen, policemen, and of course the people in the planes. For years it was how come I lived and they didn’t, what made me special? A lot of those people had kids, I didn’t, why did they have to die?

Since moving over to Spain I have read up and watch various documentaries on World War II, the U.S. Civil War, as well as series like Band Of Brothers and The Pacific. I can’t help but think how lucky we are to not have to deal with the same things they did. And again, as mentioned above, how difficult it must have been to be involved any of these aforementioned wars, or any other for that matter. What the human toll is, not only the lives that are lost, but the soldiers that return wounded, both physically and mentally. I can’t help but feel sadness for them (having dealt with what a tenth of the survivor’s guilt most of them probably endured, and are enduring. I can’t even fathom what an emotional toll they paid on the battlefield, and when they got home.

The first person I ever saw thank a soldier was my friend John Z, known to some of you as Zman in the Talking Metal Forums. We (my wife and I) met up with him and his wife Julie in San Francisco, while we were on our honeymoon. While in the hotel elevator, a WWII vet got on the elevator, and John shook his hand and thanked him.

I have had family members fight in Afghanistan, and Iraq (cousins Michael and Victor), and know of someone that died while serving as well. Sgt. Ryan Doltz (http://www.rememberingryan.org/), I proudly wear his memorial t-shirt, and visited his grave in Arlington Cemetery a few years back.

I truly feel grateful for what they have and are still doing for us, and can’t help but feel a little selfish when bitching about nonsense. Considering everything they had to deal with.

-VMR